Ever suddenly wake up & feel like God blessed you with a new set of eyes, brand new perception ?
When the games are overdue,
& as a Queen, take notice you'll never fit with a Fool.
When you give up on half empty glasses,
For Greener grasses.
When his pretty mouth, with those pretty white lies,
Defame any faith you had in there being an honest man hiding somewhere inside.
When you realize respect was out the window,
Right after you heard of number 2, 3 & 4.
When you learn with every chance to make it better,
Is an open invitation for him to only make it worse.
When assumptions & rumors,
Get validated & confirmed..'Yes, HER.'
When the disappointments become expected
& The silent cries get neglected.
When you wake up & see,
You're just One, of Many.
Most importantly, When you Realize; He stripped an option from you, & now he's stripped of you.
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Wow... I am in a place where I feel like this was something meant for me to see. I feel EVERY word I've just read. Somehow though, I still feel the need to hang on. Just to make sure... I def don't need any more verification. His actions have confimed any doubt any human being can have for the next 1000 years. The person he is now doesn't see the value in it. But the chemistry is banannas and treats me like he really does Love me & maybe he does but somehow it all changes when I leave, when I'm not around. I've tried to stop communication before and he went through great lengths and super romantic avenues to get me back even though he OBVIOUSLY doesn't want to be monogamous. We aren't a formal couple, It's the only stitch of pride I can hang on to. If he's not my bf than he's not disrespecting me, then I don't look dumb. He knows I Love him but I totally hide any signs of being dissapointed with what I've received in return. I pretend that I'm not affected, like I'm too independent and busy w/ my life to really care. My angle is honesty and respect, I make it like those are my only concerns. I somehow forget when we're together though. I've never been Loved this way. He does any and everything that I utter, super affectionate and I don't stop laughing but then I go home in a pumpkin again. I remember that I'm wasting my time and playing myself. Something inside me tells me to wait though. IDK why... I will keep your words and refer to them as often as needed. Thank you, you've expressed what I've been striving for. My eyes are open and I see very clearly what it is & what it isn't. My only fear now is regreting my decision. What I'm hoping for exactly is, to drift slowly... for me to get used to idea. I'm pacifying myself, I'm bad about focusing on delayed gratification. Disfunctional, yes! I know... this will fade and I will be living the words you've written.
ReplyDeletePls excuse this looong comment. Since you don't know me I took this opportunity to vent about my foolishness lol.
Y.